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3月5日 from "a Lantern in her hand" by Bess Streeter AldrichShe threw back her head and began singing:
"Oh, the Lady of the Lea,
Fair and young and gay was she, Beautiful exceedingly, The Lady of the Lea." The Song embodied for her all the enchantment of the Arabian Nights. It opened a door to a magic castle. It smelled of perfume and spices. It stood for wonderful things in life to come.
"Many a wooer sought her hand,
For she had gold and she had land," Her voice rose melodiously high and sweet and true.
"Everything at her command, The Lady of the Lea." Her heart seemed bursting with love of the trees, the sky, the melody.
"Oh, the Lady of the Lea, Fair and young and gay was she," There seemed a gleam ahead of her,__ a light that beckoned__ a little will-o'-the-wisp out there beyond the settlement in the Big Woods. It was something no one knew about,__ mother nor Mary Nor Belle. Only for her it shone,__ for her, and other lovely ladies.
"Fanciful exceedingly,
The Lady of the Lea." 12月28日 The Thorn Birds, by Colleen McCulloughLong ago, there was a bird who sang just once in its life. From the moment it left its nest, it searched for a thorn tree, and it never rested until it found one. Then it began to sing more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. And singing, it impaled its breast on the longest, sharpest thorn. But as it was dying, it rose above its own agony to out-sing the lark and the nightingale. The thorn bird pays its life for that one song and the whole world stills to listen and God, in His heaven smiles. As its best was bought only at the cost of great pain. Driven to the thorn, with no knowledge of the dying to come. But when we press the thorn to our breast, We know........ We understand..... And still......we do it. 4月8日 聊天今天下午跟amy喝茶聊天的时候说起了昨晚的chocolate fondue, 我说这个概念很好，但吃的人多半是为了好玩儿不是好吃。巧克力裹着鲜果既浪费巧克力也糟蹋鲜果。鲜果最好单独吃，如果一定要配，酸奶勉强可以；而巧克力只有配上坚果才能带出各自的味道，最妙的就是榛子。她于是说起了小时候砸榛子吃的事情，榛子壳又厚又硬，而且有一半多是空的，往往费了九牛二虎之力却什么也吃不到。我就说可能好吃的东西往往不容易到嘴，花生瓜子壳易剥，也就没那么好吃。她说未必，她小学时有个同学的妈妈很会炒瓜子，她炒的瓜子特别香，令人爱不释口。最神奇的是炒完的瓜子壳成了深紫红色，好吃又好看。我讨要秘方，她说已经失去联系了。接着又说起那个同学家的院子里种了葡萄，那个淘气的同学在葡萄架上捉了大青虫就拿针管抽掉体液和内脏，再注水进去，虫子由瘪到胀好不古怪。我说似乎所有的小孩子都喜欢玩虫子（小孩子的天性有些不可思议的残忍，而身在其中时却不觉得残忍）。她接着又回忆起小学操场四周的老杨树上有很多毛毛虫，他们一帮孩子把毛毛虫捉来放在火里烧。居然有人突发奇想，拿辣椒油洒在虫子上，皮肉裹了油，着火时噼啪作响，一帮家伙玩得不亦乐乎。据说还能闻到肉香（好一道辣油香虫）。 记得有一年玩疯了，以致接下来的一两年很难找到毛毛虫。由老杨树又想起了拔杨树枝玩的旧事。她们竞相寻访老杨树枝，去掉叶子，然后双方各执一根，一横一竖作十字相交，再拔河角力，直到一方的树枝断了为止。干的树枝脆而易断，就插进球鞋里吸脚汗，使其变得湿而韧。如果谁有幸找到一根拔遍天下无敌枝，且是骄傲的不得了。她说那时候自己成绩不好，又无文艺特长，在学校里中规中矩，默默无闻，所以很沉迷于拔树枝，找到一根纵横一时的树枝就能得意自豪一阵子，小小虚荣心可得片刻满足。我也谈起了我小时的玩意儿和童年的玩伴。虫子也玩的，不过是找野蚕(我们叫做吊死鬼),找到了剥掉外面的枯叶，挖出里面黑黑瘦瘦的小蚕，用它自己吐的丝吊在树枝上，仿佛鱼竿系着钓饵，提着到处跑。毛毛虫见到了就一脚踩死，看它花花绿绿佗成一团，肚子肠子流得满地。肉虫子我害怕，所以就玩有壳虫类，常常缠着邻居的小哥哥们讨知了和蝈蝈。自己抓到过天牛，捏着他的长须看它六足乱蹬。还玩金龟子，不过不可多得，偶得一只，可是宝贝得不得了。拿一根长线缚住了，看它在阳光下飞舞，闪闪耀目。然后我们又说到女孩子们常玩的游戏，诸如丢沙包啦，踢毽子啦，跳皮筋啊，还有男女混合的跨步子啊，木头人等等（一南一北，名目不一，内容却大抵相似）。得知彼此都不善于此类游戏，却依然热心参与，往往沦为拖油瓶的角色，不禁同病相怜
 。（受不了了，要去睡了，且听下回分解。）
4月4日 talking about shoes-answering to the audience's callLast Sat evening, i was walking to the mrt station, dressed up for the concert. and bang! my shoe snapped! that was the kind of shoe which holds you to it with a single strap and with that particular strap snapped, you can well imagine the situation i was in.
I always think that women's shoes are not for you to wear but for you to be looked at in. They give you everything opposite of comfort __ cuts, blisters and if it's a high heel, inclination to fall. The purpose of all this pain is to make sure that you walk in the right manner. Because you suffer every step you make, you will be consious of it and will mind yourself to make it in a graceful way. like the little mermaid, who traded her beautiful voice for a pair of legs and feet to walk, and every step she took, she felt as if treading upon the points of needles and sharp knives. But others saw her walking like a bubble in the air and adored her graceful-swaying movements.
I can hardly recall how many times shoes have betrayed me. There was one time, i was walking in a pair of shoes which cut me so badly that my feet were bleeding. i was walking along the highway so couldn't even stop a cab. I thought at that time that i was like Cinderella's evil stepsister (but i was required to wear them for the NUSCO performance, not for an evil purpose
 ). So this time, I took off both shoes and walked barefoot all the way back to get another pair. Considering i was already late, i walked in quite a hasty pace and nothing, not even a single little pebble cut my feet (that is one thing Singapore is to be loved about). 2月24日 麻烦天哪！我只在年初二那天不小心打碎了一只杯子，到今天居然还能发现碎瓷片！我当天已经非常仔细，非常认真地清理过了，仍然接连好几天险些被碎瓷片割到，真是后患无穷啊！搞不好到了明年，我都可能在哪天被那只阴魂不散的杯子割破手或脚。我真的不是故意打碎它的！
 呼吁发明清理碎瓷片的机器！ 2月20日 侠女那天在乌节路附近碰见郑佩佩了。
我背着书包，匆匆闯了两个红灯之后，突然刹住了脚步，“咦？这不是郑佩佩吗？”
她正迎面走过来，周围没有旁人。我因为没有什么遇见明星的经验，很想叫一声看看她有什么反应。但又怕把人家吓到，况且我已经迟到了，所以放弃了这个企图，继续往前跑。
其实碰见个明星也没什么好大惊小怪的，只是因为是郑佩佩，就有那么点意思了。
她年轻时是以饰演古装剧中的侠女走红的。正如许多的小小男生们对书本和影视剧中的侠士有过崇拜与向往一样，许多小小女生们也有过侠女情结。
书中的侠女们多半艳如桃李，冷若冰霜，头扎一方红巾，身穿红色披风，腰上挂把大刀，骑匹黑马，行侠仗义，来去匆匆，人不知其姓名，遂称之为‘红衣侠女’....
1月30日 春天来了春天来了。今天天气格外好，坐在房间里，吹着凉风，遐想一下春天。
“娄蒿满地芦芽短”。一定是这两天吃了太多饺子，想念江南的美食了（不是说饺子不是美食，是天天吃，有点消受不了了）。不想念河豚，因为没有吃过。芦蒿是喜欢的，不过我记得好像是长在水里的，不应该“满地短”，所以可能跟苏先生说的不是同一样东西。
“红杏枝头春意闹”。我更熟悉的是桃红柳绿的春天。柳树是我们的市树，所以随处可见，杨柳依依，体态婀娜。满树垂下的枝条常被比作头发，比作丝绦。瘦西湖畔的长堤春柳就像是少女对着一湖明镜梳妆。市花是琼花。不过花色太素淡，格调太高雅了，所以只能种在深院，引人探寻其幽香。而且太贵了，不舍得种在大街上，所以就种桃花，桃红柳绿，相映成趣。桃红也不是简单的一种红，从浅到深，粉白，粉红，玫瑰红，深红......满树满街都是绚烂。有些地方连成一片，远远望去，灿若云霞。
“天街小雨润如酥”。不似夏天的雨酣畅淋漓，春雨是温柔缠绵的，让人觉得淡淡的喜悦。细雨落在湖面，漾成一圈一圈，弹奏的是春天的音符。而且滋长万物，所以被称赞“好雨知时节”。而我最想念的是“夜船吹笛雨潇潇”的情景。遥远的记忆中，大运河上，渔灯几点，夜雨打在船篷上沙沙作响；隐约的，仿佛听得见人声，哝哝细语，湮没在茫茫烟雨之中。 1月28日 slapped in the faceI was slapped in the face by a stranger today, and the only thing i could do was to smile back.
I had come to this bus stop where there were 4 rows of seats. The second row being the most spacious, with only a school girl and her mother, i went there and sat down beside them. As i had just seen my bus passing by, i knew it's going to take a while, so i took out a story book and started reading. i was concentrating on my reading while started to feel that there was something not right, something that i was not very used to subconsciously. but my mind was still with the book and i continued reading. Then suddenly it came to me what was wrong. The girl was laughing! it was all so normal for a school girl to laugh on such a sunny day. But it was not like a girl's laugh that you and i would love to hear. it was not even that human, almost demoniac, high pitched, with something vibrating in her throat, a bit too hysteric. I turned to look at her. she was clapping her hands at the same time, twisting,wrestling, nodding her head hysterically. That very moment, she turned her face to look at me, and gave me a literal blow right on the left cheek, almost knocked off my spectacles. I was so shocked but suddenly realized that she was psychotic, or schizophrenic as doctors call it. Her mum struggled to constrain her from further attack and apologized to me. I tried to smiled understandingly and said that was ok. I dared not leave my seat for fear that it might hurt the feelings of the mum, and i dared not look at the girl again because i knew prolonged eye contact with a stranger would irritate psychotic people and she might attack again. By that glimpse i had of her before she slapped, i had already seen her face. She had such white complextion and scarlet lips and squinted eyes with sth like a contemptuous and almost devilish laughter in it. What poor thing! In ancient times people thought that psychotic people lost their minds because they were taken hold of by devils. and seen her eyes, i knew they had some reasoning there.
For the rest of the time, i just sat there, pretending to read while listening to the woman talking to another woman sitting on the next row behind us in a language that was not to my acquaitance. then their bus arrived and they all stood up and walked to the bus. i saw that the other woman had a daughter with her also. The two girls were wearing the same school uniform. and from the whitle complextion and scarlet lips and squinted eyes and that laughter of the other girl i concluded that they both had troubled minds and knew what kind of school they were going. 1月22日 life is so not perfect, yet still so worth livingWe went to visit Jasmine in the hospital this week. She had just given birth to a baby girl. The baby is premature, having come 3 weeks too early, so was kept in ICU. We saw her through the glass (only parents are allowed to go in). It was so tiny and fragile, barely 2 kg, with all the tubes connected to it. It is pink and soft and delicate and sleeps most of the time like any other baby. Yet, it is not that like any other baby. it's underweight, not just because of premature delivery, but underdeveloped.
When the fetus was 6 months old, doctors declared that this baby might never grow into a full adult size and the two legs might not be of same length, one with fracture. There was even possibility of certain degree of mental retardation (God bless this won't happen pls!). To put it short, this is not going to be an easy life for the girl and much less easier life for her mum.
Jas had decided to keep the baby. Many ppl didn't understand. They said she would bring her into this world just to suffer and she is only 30 yrs old and can have other babys. But not this one, isn't it. There was already a bond formed between her and the fetus. She had already named it, talked to and about it, bought lots of stuff for it, cared and loved it. already treated it as her daughter actually. Maybe only mums understand why she still wanted it knowing that there is going to be such hardship in its life and she would have her heart broken when seeing ppl mocking her daughter.
Someone said that been born, you've already won the biggest lottery in your life. That very sperm with that very egg, what odds! Charlene could have lost the game, but her mum made sure she was a winner. 1月14日 无题人活在世界上，就如站在一个迷宫面前，有很多的线索，很多的岔路。别人东看看，西望望，就都走过去了。但是我们就一定要迷失在里面。这是因为我们渺小的心灵里容不下一个谜，一点悬而未决的东西，所以我们就把一切疑难放进自己心里，把自己给难死了。
不记得在哪里看过这样一段话，有一点符合此刻的心境，所以写下来。 1月10日 还有还有今天几乎所有的人都提了一下昨天下了一天雨的事。有人闷在家里看电影啦，有人一边喝茶一边看书啦，还有人可怜兮兮的抱怨说冒雨去加班被淋湿了啦.... 我呢？我们本来差点被困在家里只能靠吃面条度日，但我坚持好不容易等到礼拜天应该对自己好一点，所以就套上我从Gunung Ledang穿回来还没扔掉的雨衣，像个雨人一样出去买菜了。路人纷纷侧目，不过是友善的那种，大概都觉得很卡通。像这样偶尔娱乐大家一下，让他们在倒霉的天气里心情亮一下，我也不是很介意啦。就像上个礼拜五我从学校拿了一个超大的呼拉圈去给小乖，一路上，认识的不认识的都冲我笑。竟然一下子成了公众人物！途经某处公园的时候，有位气质姣好的中国阿姨居然老远的招呼我，“我能不能问一下，你那样子是要去锻炼吗？”  12月30日 Happy new year!Em, am going up the moutains, am going to stargaze, am going to sing sound of music and starry starry night up there
, am going to witness the first sunrise of the new year....Wish all of you happy holiday and a prosperous new year and good health and a whole flourishing life! 12月26日 祝你幸福昨天在乌节路上，我们从taka出来，过了马路要去paragon的时候，在路边停下来听一个老伯吹葫芦丝。当时刚下过一场雨，空气湿湿的，甚至有些凉。可能因为这样，我听着他吹的调子也觉得有些凉。
我不知道他吹的是什么曲子，他演奏的技巧也不是特别好，然而我们却忍不住驻足倾听。热闹反而更能衬托出寂寞。在如此繁华的街市，他却吹奏着如此萧索的曲调。他穿着朴素，神情落寞，却戴着一顶艳红的圣诞帽子，实在有一点喜剧效果，但那葫芦丝里的音乐却让你笑不出来。在这闹哄哄的圣诞夜，他为什么不去跟家人朋友一起吃喝玩乐呢？是为了讨生活吗？如果是这样，不是吹些欢快而应景的曲调更讨人喜欢吗？在那一刻真的很想很想知道那葫芦丝和圣诞帽背后的故事。然而我们还是走了，去逛我们的街，过我们的生活去了。
从paragon出来，夜幕已降临。街上很多人在唱圣诞歌，吵得我们连说话也要用吼的。那老伯应该早走了吧（已经没有人能听得见他的葫芦丝了）。看着人潮汹涌，一个一个，冷漠的，欢喜的，悲伤的，无动于衷的，兴高采烈的，高的，矮的，漂亮的，平凡的，一个一个，擦肩而过，我们只是彼此生命中的过客。可是，看着你陌生的面孔，我多么希望能知道一些你的故事，多么希望能够分享一些你的悲喜，多么希望你可以过得幸福.... 12月20日 does time cure everythingClare died in last episode of Mcleod's Daughters. Things were just about to get better with Alex's proposal and Tess's negative biopsy result (she had been suspected of having cancer). What a happyly-ever-after life prospect for her! And bang! just a stupid car accident and that wasn't her life anymore.
This episode was mainly about the funeral and how Tess and Alex reacted to her sudden death. They couldn't let go of course (she was their most beloved one in this whole world), one trying desperately to find out what went wrong and the other even tried to revenge though that was nobody's fault, just an accient. Eventually they tried to face it up and let her rest in peace and moved on with their own lives.
At that funeral scene, with everybody's way of saying goodbye and those heartbroken songs and music, i almost cried my heart out. Then still felt pain in there so shut the door, the curtain and let out another good hearty cry. now am feeling a bit better.
Does time really have the magic power of curing? there is nothing magic there, isn't it. It doesn't cure. it's just that ppl forget things with time. but you won't be able to forget that a very important part of your life is forever missing. You would move on. you would be able to laugh again (though at that moment you thought you would never). You don't feel miserable any more after a while, but just never feel complete again. you still dream of happy times and wake up with your face all wet no matter how deeper and deeper you've buried that into your memory, with time.
or, has it just not been long enough yet? 12月6日 my pinky pathThe bus i take home doesn't stop right in front of where i stay. so there is a 5-min-or-so walk in which i pass by this meadow every day. If i come back early enough (that is before sunset), and if it doen't rain, i can always enjoy the lovely scene. Picture in your mind that the red brick house standing against the clear blue sky, the grasses waving their hands in the breeze and trees murmuring and humming, little birds chirping and flying pass (not any fancy birds, just the yellow-beak black-plumage birds you see every day). The setting sun coats everything with light pink, the distant buildings, the road, the trees, grasses, birds and you, all bathed in this pink light shining from elysium. In the silence and tranquility, it seems almost heavenly. You feel the gentle wind touching you and you start singing.... 12月2日 外面起了好大的风，只是秋风吹不到这里今天又看了york拍的照片，真的有点想家了。秋天曾经是我最喜欢的季节，如今却已记不清她的模样了。看见他照片里的红叶，想起自己把枫叶夹进书本的时候，想起野菊花的淡淡药香，和自己傻傻地吃菊花的样子。原来幸福真的是可以被传染的，因为看着york的照片，我也笑了。（他说看见周围幸福的小朋友，被传染，所以笑了。）
若干年前，有一次叫猫把春天寄给我，于是收到了夹在信纸里的一支紫色小花，和一只素描的苹果。如今用纸笔写信的人恐怕都没几个了，又有谁能把秋天带给我呢？ 11月30日 on this last day of NovemberThey are showing McLeod's Daughters again on Hallmark. It's my favourite TV series and i was sooooo disappointed when they stopped the show last time. So now there is another thing to look forward into for December besides the Christmas holiday! But i have to finish writing my paper first in order to enjoy it with a clear conscience.... |
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